Point Man | Steve Farrar

Steve Farrar. Point Man: Showing Men How to Lead Their Families. Updated edition with Study Guide. Multnomah, 2003. 350 pp.

If you can grab hold of these principles, your wife will not only appreciate you for it, but the chances of her following your leadership will increase dramatically.

Mutual Understanding of the Montana-Rice Principle
I like the NFL version of Ephesians 5:22-23:

“Wide receivers, submit to your quarterback, as to the Lord. For the quarterback is head of the wide receiver as Christ is head of the church. . . .”

This is the basis for what I call the Montana-Rice principle. San Francisco 49ers Joe Montana and Jerry Rice were one of the most dangerous passing combinations in the history of the NFL. Their ability to work together could shred an entire defense before you had a chance to swallow your Gatorade.

The Montana-Rice principle is made up of two components:

• Component #1: Joe Montana had authority over Jerry Rice.
• Component #2: Jerry Rice was to submit to Joe’s authority.

This doesn’t mean that Rice was denied critical input to the decision Montana made in the huddle. . . . and Montana was probably going to listen to him. Why? Because they both had the same objective. They wanted to win.

The same principle applies to marriage.

The real version of Ephesians 5:22-23 goes like this:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the head of the church (NASB).

The husband has been given authority in the home by God, just as the quarterback has it in the huddle. Male authority in the home is not a popular idea anymore. Maybe that’s why the American family is in such trouble.

Scripture indicates that God holds the man responsible for decisions made in the family, just as the quarterback is responsible for decisions on the field.

I’ve found that what many people react to on this issue is not authority, but the wrong use of authority. What they’re reacting to is authoritarianism. Authoritarianism is something we should react to, whether it occurs in an oppressed country or in a Christian home.

A man has moved from proper authority to authoritarianism in his home when he demonstrates the following symptoms:

• He lacks interest in his wife’s input and disregards her feelings.
• He forbids the children to discuss his decisions with him and is reluctant to let them make decisions on their own as they mature.
• He trusts few people.
• He displays an intense need to control those closest to him.

The mature man who practices biblical headship in the marriage relationship can be recognized by three characteristics:

He loves his wife sacrificially.

Wives have the uncanny ability to measure our sacrificial love with the accuracy of a yardstick. They can recognize it from miles away. They intuitively know there is a direct correlation between service and sacrifice. And it usually comes out in the little things that spring from a right attitude.

He loves his wife with understanding.

The word understanding carries with it the idea of insight and tactfulness. No one enjoys being misunderstood. The woman who has a husband who knows when to put his arms around her and simply hold her close will inevitably feel understood. Sometimes that’s the most insightful and tactful thing we can do. Don’t offer a solution. Just hold her.

He loves his wife with verbal praise.

Peter gives us another piece of strategic advice in verse 7 when he writes, “. . . grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

The word translated “honor” carries with it the idea of value. A mature man provides the kind of leadership to his wife that lets her know how valuable she is to him.

Verbal praise is a rare commodity in our world. You may deeply appreciate your wife in your heart, but when was the last time you verbally expressed your appreciation to her? Perhaps you don’t remember. But I would be willing to bet that she does.

Peter puts it on the table. If you do not live with your wife in an understanding way, and let her know she is valuable to you, your prayers will be hindered. That’s how serious the matter is. You may be the most articulate man of prayer in your church, but if you are not implementing this scriptural prescription, you’re wasting your breath. God will not respond.

Mutual leadership from a husband makes it easy for a wife to coexist in the marriage cockpit with him. A man who treats his wife with care and respect will do more than just coexist with her. They will both actually enjoy the ride.

If I could define headship in a nutshell, I would put it this way:

Biblical headship for a husband is giving the best of all that he is to those under his care and authority.

Excerpted from Point Man, by Steve Farrar. Copyright © 2003. Used by permission of Multnomah Publishers, Inc. Excerpt may not be reproduced without the prior written consent of Multnomah Publishers.

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