God, Marriage, and Family | Andreas Kostenberger & David Jones at PastorBookshelf Excerpts

God, Marriage, and Family | Andreas Kostenberger & David Jones

by Matt McCarnan on July 30th, 2007

Andreas Kostenberger & David Jones. God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation. Crossway, 2004. 448 pp.

Summary of Findings

We have come to the end of our discussion, and it is now time to briefly summarize the findings of our study of the biblical teaching regarding marriage, the family, and related subjects. At the outset, we noted that for the first time in its history, Western civilization is confronted with the need to define the meaning of the terms “marriage” and “family.” The cultural crisis that rages concerning the definitions of these terms was seen to be symptomatic of an underlying spiritual crisis that gnaws at the foundations of our once-shared societal values.

In this spiritual cosmic conflict, Satan and his minions actively oppose the Creator’s design for marriage and the family and seek to distort God’s image as it is reflected in God-honoring Christian marriages and families. In light of the current confusion over marriage and the family and the lack of adequate Christian literature on the subject, there is a need for the kind of biblical and integrative treatment the present volume attempts to provide.

Human sexuality and relationships were seen to be rooted in the eternal will of the Creator as expressed in the way in which God made men and women. Man and woman are made in God’s image (Gen. 1:27), and are called to representative rule (v. 28) involving procreation, whereby the man, as first-created, has ultimate responsibility before God, with the woman placed alongside him as his “suitable helper” (2:18, 20), within the context of monogamous marriage. The Fall led to serious consequences affecting both the man and the woman individually in their areas of involvement as well as the marital relationship.

Men’s work and the relational sphere of women have both been significantly affected and turned into a struggle for control. Nevertheless, the image of God in man is not eradicated, and marriage and the family continue as the primary divinely instituted order for the human race. Indeed, the Fall did not alter the Creator’s design or standards for marriage and family, and he still expects these institutions to be marked by monogamy, fidelity, heterosexuality, fertility, complementarity, and durability.

In keeping with the roles established by the Creator in the beginning, the New Testament defines marital roles in terms of respect and love as well as submission and authority. While the husband and the wife are fellow heirs of God’s grace (1 Pet. 3:7), and while “there is neither male nor female” as far as salvation in Christ is concerned (Gal. 3:28), there remains a pattern in which the wife is to emulate the church’s submission to Christ and the husband is to imitate Christ’s love for the church (Eph. 5:21-33). Thus a complementarian understanding of gender roles is borne out, not just by a few isolated problem passages but by biblical theology as a whole. Apart from their joint stewardship, the married couple has an important witnessing function in the surrounding culture and ought to understand itself within the larger framework of God’s end-time purposes in Christ (cf. Eph. 1:10).

In a separate chapter, we investigated the three major models of marriage that describe marriage as a sacrament, as a contract, or as a covenant. We concluded that the biblical concept of marriage is best described as a covenant (or a creation ordinance with covenantal features) and defined marriage as a sacred bond between a man and a woman, instituted by and publicly entered into before God (whether or not this is acknowledged by the married couple), normally consummated by sexual intercourse.

Rather than being merely a contract that is made for a limited period of time, conditional upon the continued performance of contractual obligations by the other partner, and entered into primarily or even exclusively for one’s own benefit, marriage is a sacred bond that is characterized by permanence, sacredness, intimacy, mutuality, and exclusiveness.

As indicated in the just-cited definition of marriage, Scripture plainly reveals that the bearing and raising of children is an elemental part of God’s plan for marriage. In the Old Testament, children are presented as a blessing from the Lord, while barrenness is generally viewed as sign of divine disfavor (though there may be times where this is not actually the case), and the responsibilities of fathers, mothers, and children are spelled out in some detail. In the New Testament, parents are urged to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4), and women are to place special priority on their God-given calling as mothers and homemakers (1 Tim. 2:15; Titus 2:4-5). Likewise, in both Testaments fathers are reminded of their sacred duty to provide for their children, as well as to enforce discipline (Prov. 13:24; 2 Cor. 12:14; Heb. 12:6).

In the area of reproduction, several critical issues were addressed. First, Scripture is clear that life begins at conception and that abortion is morally unacceptable. Second, while contraception in general is a legitimate Christian option, this does not mean that every form of birth control is morally acceptable for believers. Only those devices that are contraceptive rather than abortive in nature are legitimate Christian options. Third, artificial reproductive technologies, likewise, raise a variety of complex ethical issues and call for judicious adjudication in order to determine which are and are not ethically permissible for believers today. Finally, the Bible presents adoption as an honored avenue for glorifying God and building a Christian family, especially for couples having difficulty conceiving children of their own.

In the area of Christian parenting, we weighed the pros and cons of particular methods of parenting, pointing out the dangers of approaches that focus on method to the detriment of cultivating a relationship with the child and of relying on the Spirit’s guidance in parenting. In our treatment of single parenting, we adduced biblical teaching on God’s concern for the fatherless and discussed some of the ways in which the church can assist single parents. The debate concerning physical punishment was surveyed as well, and while the biblical teaching prevents us from disallowing this form of discipline, important cautions were registered in this regard.

Fostering masculinity and femininity was identified as of utmost importance in our culture that is increasingly reaping the fruit of radical feminism’s anti-male bias. We also identified several biblical principles of parental discipline that may be useful for holding children accountable for their actions. We also discussed the important topic of spiritual warfare pertaining to marriage and the family. Since marriage is such an important component of God’s economy, the devil continually attacks this divinely instituted human relationship. Therefore, believers need to be ready to fight the good fight and defend their own marriages, as well the larger institution of matrimony.

We also discussed singleness, which may present itself at several life stages, for those who are either not yet married, are widowed, or are permanently unmarried (be it by choice or circumstance). While a couple is to refrain from sexual relations prior to entering into marriage, and while widowed individuals are permitted, in certain cases even encouraged, to remarry, permanent singleness (i.e., celibacy) is considered by both Jesus and Paul to be a special gift from God, though not a necessary requirement for church office (cf. 1 Tim. 3:2, 12; Titus 1:6). By promoting undistracted devotion to the Lord, singleness can actually be a unique opportunity for kingdom service (1 Cor. 7:32-35).

From creation it also becomes clear that heterosexuality, rather than homosexuality, is God’s pattern for men and women. The sexes are created in distinctness, which must not be blurred or obliterated, and humanity exists as male and female for the purpose of complementarity and procreation, neither of which can be properly realized in same-sex sexual relationships. Moreover, the divine image was seen to be imprinted on man as male and female, so that homosexual unions fall short of reflecting God’s own likeness as unity in diversity. Despite numerous attempts, even by some claiming to be followers of Christ, to reinterpret the biblical record, it is evident that Scripture universally views homosexuality in terms of rebellion against God and disregard for his creation order (Gen. 18:17, 19:29; Lev. 18:22; 20:13; Rom. 1:24-27; 1 Cor. 6:9-10; 1 Tim. 1:9-10; 2 Pet. 2:4-10; Jude 6-7). Indeed, homosexuality offends the Creator’s integrated design of marriage and family at almost every point, which may be why it is met with so strict a response in Scripture.

Because marriage is a divinely ordained covenant institution (Gen. 1:28; 2:24) rather than merely a human contractual agreement, according to the majority view divorce is permissible only in certain carefully delineated exceptional cases. According to this view, acceptable reasons for divorce include sexual marital unfaithfulness (adultery) as well as desertion by an unbeliever. Even in those cases, however, reconciliation is to be the aim, and divorce is only permitted, not commanded. Indeed, in all cases, divorce remains the least preferable option, for it falls short of God’s design for marriage and the family. Where divorce is biblically “legitimate,” however, most (including the authors of this volume) would agree, so is remarriage. The latter is apropos also in case of spousal death, “only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39, NASB).

Faithfulness in marriage, obedient children, and proper household management are also considered of paramount importance among the requirements for church leaders in the Pastoral Epistles (see especially 1 Tim 3:2-5; Titus 1:6). There is a close link between the family and the church, which is God’s “household” (1 Tim. 3:15), so that only those who are good husbands and fathers and who give adequate attention to managing their own homes are qualified to provide leadership also for the church. While this would not automatically preclude a divorced, single, or childless married man from the pastorate, it does highlight the need for one who holds the ultimate position of pastor in the visible Body of Christ to be truly a “one-wife-type-of husband” or a “one-woman-type-of man.”

Both the Old and the New Testament present a coherent body of teachings pertaining to marriage and the family. From the Garden of Eden, to Israel, to Jesus, to the early church, to Paul, all uphold a very high standard in this crucial area of life. While countless times individuals fell and will fall short of God’s ideal, Scripture makes clear that the Creator’s standard for marriage and family remains intact, it was instituted at Creation, and is expected of humankind today. In this as well as in other areas, in the first century as today, Christianity towers above pagan cultures and displays the character of a holy God in the lives and relationships of his people. . . .

Concerning the difficult and controversial issues that were dealt with in this book, Paul’s words are apropos that, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor. 13:12-13). Indeed, “knowledge puffs up, but love builds up” (1 Cor. 8:1). May God use that which can contribute to his greater glory in this book and forgive whatever might fall short of his perfect wisdom. And may he receive ever greater glory through our marriages and families.

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