The Wounded Warrior | Steve Stephens

Steve Stephens. The Wounded Warrior: Survival Guide for When You’re Beat Up, Burned Out, or Battle Weary. Multnomah, 2006. 224 pp.

Wounds can make you or break you. It’s not the deepness of the wound that kills you; it’s your refusal to face reality and step forward.

Life is full of battles, and every warrior is going to sustain his share of injuries. Some soldiers incur one significant, overpowering wound; others receive numerous minor wounds. Regardless of his past history or present circumstances, every man has his gashes and broken bones.

Deep or superficial. Recent or ancient. Hidden or blatantly obvious. Wounds come in myriad shapes and sizes, but they all have one thing in common. Pain.

We all deal with pain differently. Some linger in it too long—absorbed, anxious, or angry. Others try to ignore it, looking for distractions from their feelings. Still others get stuck—confused and overwhelmed by surging emotions.

Stagnation or Anticipation

We all seek strategies for dealing with our wounds, the accompanying pain, and the soul-deep scars they leave behind. And we are creative about it; many are the methods we explore. But beware. Some strategies will, in reality, make your struggle toward health more difficult. These bad coping techniques actually intensify the pain and prolong the battle. Here are a few:

• I’m not wounded. (Denial)
• I won’t talk about my wounds. (Shame and isolation)
• My wounds reduce who I am and what I can accomplish. (Identity sabotage)
• God did this to me. (Blame)
• I won’t seek help; I can do it myself. (Pride)
• Nobody can help me. (Hopelessness)
• If God cared, He wouldn’t have let this happen. (Playing the orphan)

These thought patterns are not healthy. They can endow your wounds with more power than they warrant. Your wounds need not weaken or destroy you. On the contrary, they can be life-realigning, strength-building checkpoints, for they force us to turn to the inexhaustible source of all strength. It’s especially in these times that we must remember the apostle Paul’s amazing affirmation: “God can do anything . . . far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams” (Ephesians 3:20, The Message).

We cannot change the past, no matter how hard we try. All of our past hurts, injustices, disappointments, and tragedies have slipped into history, beyond our control. Even so, it is within our power to control something about the present: We can change how we view the painful realities that have touched our lives. We can decide what we say to ourselves about them.

You may find this difficult to accept, but you have more control over your present situation than you think. You have the power to believe in a faithful, forward-looking God. The prophet Jeremiah describes the source of your present power: “‘I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”‘ (Jeremiah 29:11).

Every wounded warrior has reason for great hope. God strengthens and empowers. Pain need not defeat or diminish you. Any man, regardless of the severity or extent of his wound, can have a successful, meaningful—even joyful—life.

God has strong hands. He can comfort and heal you. He can use your wounds to lead you into more exciting and fulfilling days than you ever imagined possible. Jesus said, “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10, NASB). Your life might not be easy, problem-free, or painless, but it can abound.

Battalion of the Bruised

You are not alone. We all walk through life with wounds. Unfortunately, we guys tend to keep our mouths shut and suffer in silence. We don’t want to air our dirty laundry or expose our soft underbelly. We strap on our armor and hide our hurts, but our outward show of self-possession is a lie. . . .

This world is home to millions of wounded warriors. Other men’s circumstances and surroundings may be vastly different from yours, but pain is pain. This vast company is your band of brothers; we’re all fellow soldiers. . . .

God never promised to protect us from all wounds, but He did promise to stand by us and to help us win the fight.

Hard Times Happen

We all face difficult, unfair, painful situations, and most leave their mark.

So the important issue is not whether we will be injured, but rather:

• Which wounds most need my attention?
• How are my wounds affecting me?
• Where am I on the path of healing?
• How can my wounds make me a stronger person?
• How can God use my wounds for good?

When we slow down and force ourselves to be honest, we often realize that all is not as it should be in our lives. Certain emotions such as anger, anxiety, fear, depression, insecurity, irritability, defensiveness, confusion, negativity, melancholy, and hopelessness are potential signals that somewhere deep in our hearts is a wound that is still tender. Some of us know how to assess our wounds and what sort of attention each one needs, but many of us don’t. So let’s gain a little better understanding of the varieties of hurt.

Nine Kinds of Wounds

While the categories of male hurts are numerous, here are some that I’ve found to be most common:

• Physical wounds. Your body is what allows you to operate in this world. When it betrays you—through disease, injury, accident, genetics, or aging—it forces you to face life differently. These wounds are like shrapnel. They limit you and your potential, temporarily or permanently.

• Bad choices. Sometimes we make selfish, stupid, or impulsive decisions that lead to painful consequences. We all have our regrets. If we could only go back and choose differently, most of us would do so in a moment. But here we stand in the midst of a mess, with no one to blame but ourselves. Which only makes the pain worse.

• Verbal wounds. Words can be as painful as any physical wound, sometimes even more so. When grenades are hurled, intentionally or unintentionally, by those we respect or trust, the hurt can cut us to the core. Words of discouragement, rejection, or ridicule can easily squash us, stealing our confidence and our dreams.

• Social wounds. We all want to be liked and respected. So when we are humiliated, excluded, or attacked by others, the resulting wound is real. Yet we frequently tell ourselves we shouldn’t care. We try to act tough and ignore our wounds. But this does not ease the pain. Injurious treatment by people takes its toll on us, whether we wish to admit it or not.

• Family wounds. Wounds from anyone can hurt. But if you feel rejected, disrespected, or injured by family members, it can be devastating. You expect support and caring from your parents, wife, and children. When parents turn against you, when your marriage falls apart, when children rebel, the pain can be intense. In some cases, you may feel as though your whole world is caving in.

• Spiritual wounds. When we feel hurt by a church, a fellow believer, the clergy, or God Himself, the wound can lead to overwhelming spiritual loneliness and depression. We conclude that if God or His people wound us, He must be against us or not care about us. And who can stand against God? At this point, our wounds feel like a curse, with no remedy and no hope of healing.

• Financial wounds. The ability to provide for one’s family’s basic needs is a part of being a man in our culture. Financial crisis and the need for financial help from others usually make a man feel as though he hasn’t met one of his life’s central obligations. A sense of failure haunts and burdens him. This can easily carry with it guilt, humiliation, and self-reproach.

• Occupational wounds. An old saying declares that work makes the man. As guys, too often we wrap up our identity in our jobs. So the wound cuts deep if we’re fired, laid off, unemployed, stuck in a dead-end job, or just don’t like what we do. For the same reason, our sense of identity takes a hit if we feel harassed, ignored, minimized, abused, or powerless on the job.

• Emotional wounds. Each of the above wounds carries with it an emotional component. Sometimes the original wound is buried so deep beneath the feelings that we can’t even find it. We are only aware of a deep, overwhelming, anonymous ache and a cloud of emotions surrounding it. These emotions confuse our thinking, blur our judgment, and too frequently block our awareness of God’s caring presence with us.

Most wounds are some combination from among these nine types. No matter what the category of wounding, every hurt reminds us that we live in a broken world and cannot make it on our own. . . .

Certain wounds touch the very core of who you are. Personality, situation, or age can increase a man’s vulnerability. The intensity or duration of the injury, or the identity of the offender, can also make them more painful. For a variety of possible reasons, these soul-shaping wounds are more traumatic than other difficulties we may face.

Most memories are stored in our minds chronologically. As time passes, even if the facts and images remain vivid, the emotional intensity softens, and they have less impact on the here and now. Traumas, however, are stored topically. This means the pain does not fade with time. When we focus on this type of wound, whether the pain occurred long ago or yesterday, it packs the same intensity as when it first happened. . . .

There is Always Hope

Wounds are a part of reality, and reality frequently serves up hurt and harshness in large portions. When I stood on the beach at that lowest point of my life, I cried out to God but heard no response. It was at that moment I turned to wise and godly counsel. Surely they could give me hope. They told me to pray more and read Scripture more and trust God more.

These are good things. Every one of them.

But they did nothing to ease my pain.

Instead, my friends’ answers felt like salt and sand rubbed deeper into the wound. My “counselors” gave me formulas. But nobody listened. Nobody came alongside me. Nobody encouraged me. They gave their quick fixes and kept their distance. I shook my head and walked away, feeling alone and abandoned.

Coming out of this situation, I became determined never to leave a wounded man behind. I wanted to learn how to encourage those in pain and do what I could to pull them off their battlefields for first aid and healing. In Jeremiah’s darkest hour he heard God say, “I will give you back your health and heal your wounds” (30:17). This is the promise we all yearn for when we feel most desperate and hopeless.

The twenty-two-year-old Charles Spurgeon was considered the most popular preacher of his day. By the time of his death, at fifty-seven, he was regarded by many as the greatest preacher of all time. Between these two dates, Charles experienced persecution, suffering, and discouragement. Someone once wrote, “There are few men that would not have succumbed to . . . the difficulties which had surrounded him.” Yet he preached every chance he got, drawing large crowds. And he wrote nonstop throughout his career.

Charles believed that our wounds make us better people. He wrote, “Trials teach us what we are; they dig up the soil, and let us see what we are made of.” He also wrote, “Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to tremendous difficulties.” At thirty-three, his beloved wife became an invalid who could rarely leave her bed. Shortly after this, he suffered from a series of ailments that stole his good health and left him in severe chronic pain the rest of his life. Then came the darkness of depression, which left him “so low that I could weep by the hour like a child and yet I knew not what I wept for.”

Regardless of his wounds, Charles marched forward. He refused to give up, he would not step down, and fading away was not an option. His philosophy was always strong and clear: “All that befalls us on our road to heaven is meant to fit us for our journey’s end.” After all, “The Lord gets his best soldiers out of the highlands of affliction.”

Excerpted from The Wounded Warrior © 2006 by Steve Stephens. Used by permission of Multnomah Publishers, a division of Random House, Inc. Excerpt may not be reproduced without the prior written consent of Multnomah Publishers.

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